Solo dad adventures with his son

Solo dad story of the day: 

woke up 6:00am by our very friendly guest dog whining to be let out. Car.needs.to be at garage early so no worries. Ben works on getting dressed and I head outside to find summer tires. Moments later one errant tire decided to roll down the d driveway and disappeared into the pond well offshore. Ben is now crying inside because he has forgotten to put on underwear before pants (which happens to me all the time). Now I'm wading into the muck of our pond while ben is crying on the deck and the guest dog is wandering off to parts unknown. While I'm cursing and splashing around in my clothes in the middle of my pond with dogs running wild, Ben crying on the porch, neighbor comes by and gives me the kind of look usually reserved for crazy people you see living on a piece of cardboard in the street.

Solo dad day 2: 
Day started out well. The lady from the state was much nicer that I expected, although the state trooper she brought with her was pretty serious. I understand that it looks like a meth lab in my garage but honestly, I'm just a really crappy home brewer. Today I thought I'd set up a play date - figuring this would make for an easy day and it did. No serious injuries. I did have a few learning opportunities that allowed me to convey some life lessons that I thought I'd share.
1. Yes, we live in the country and you can pee pretty much anywhere you want. This however NEVER involves the inside of the house, especially under mom's bed (seriously - how in the hell is this possible?)
2. The only thing we ever put in the fish tank is fish and fish food. Peanut butter sandwiches are NOT fish food. Neither are raisins.
3. Mooning is kind of funny - but not policeman. Seriously.
4. Snapping turtles can be dangerous. And stinky. Bike helmets are not adequate protection when dealing with snappers.
5. While I'm happy that you both know the proper use of the word "buttocks" this does not mean it has to be used in every sentence.
Tomorrow we'll try the open swim hour at the local gym. What could go wrong?

Benjamin AKA "ladies man"
Overheard today at preschool - Benjamin to the little girl he was playing with:
"Rowan, come see the trucks I'm playing with".
Little girl: "My name isn't Rowan".

Benjamin: "Come look at my butt"